Climbing Everest!

The odds that you will die as the result of Attempting to Summit Mount Everest are approximately 1 in 61 ( 1.6%)

Now, I'm not a climber, but it seems to me that you're asking for trouble when you decide to climb 29,000 feet (~ 6 miles) above sea level so you can stand on top of a freezing cold mountain and look at....other mountains. If you wanna 'push' yourself, rent 'Cliffhanger' and do that instead. At least it won't be so cold and you'll look so much cooler hanging over a valley by one arm in a wifebeater.

Also- climbing Everest doesn't count if you pay $25,000, suck down pure oxygen the whole time in your kevlar parka, and pay local sherpas to tell you where to go and carry all your shit up the mountain. Gotta do that shit freestyle in some Keds like Sir Hillary. Sorry, bitches.

(http://www.bookofodds.com/Daily-Life-Activities/Hobbies-Recreation/Odds/The-odds-a-person-climbing-Mt.-Everest-will-die-in-the-attempt-are-1-in-61.46-CN-IN-and-NP-1950-2006)

Heat!

The odds that you will die as the result of exposure to Excessive Natural Heat are approximately 1 in 6,174 ( 0.016%)

Yeah, so Mario Brothers 3, which is the best Mario Bros. You get to that desert/pyramid level with all the beautiful scenery and a couple of screens in you meet that giant asshole of a sun (see above). You're just doing your thing, killing green koopa troopas when this d-bag starts flying around, glaring at you, and swooping in for the kill. Automatic death if he touches you and the whole thing is just a giant hassle where you have to duck and hide cause you can't kill the sun can you? (see also - Sunshine...actually, don't). I hate it.

PS - This stat has NOTHING to do with Mario so... Please don't leave your baby in the car while you go shopping in the middle of summer. And don't be super old.

(http://www.nsc.org/news_resources/Documents/nscInjuryFacts2011_037.pdf)

Hat Trick!

If you saw Wayne Gretzky play one professional hockey game at random in his career, the odds that he would score a Hat Trick were approximately 1 in 30 ( 3.7%)

The Great One...Will there be another like him? I doubt it now that professional sports have specialized so much but time will tell. With just about every other record in the book, Gretzky has more 3+ goal games than anyone at 50. Still not as cool as the record for Gordie Howe hat tricks (1 goal, 1 assist, 1 fight) but I'll give him props anyway. Hear that Gretzky??? Props.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_career_achievements_by_Wayne_Gretzky)

Hitting for the Cycle!

The odds that an average player will hit an 'unnatural' cycle are approximately
1 in every 4,400 games (0.02%)

~ 1 in every 27 seasons

(single, double, triple, and home run (any order)
in 1 game)

You may be surprised to learn that players hit for the cycle more often than this statistic predicts. Let me explain.

Jose Reyes to the left is a decent hitter, but the dude's also a cheetah. He can make it to third in 20 seconds flat with time to make a phone call. As a leadoff hitter he sometimes also gets that 5th at bat. To the right, no it's not a mascot, it's Mo Vaughn. God bless those ankles because he wasn't a career DH.
The point is that Jose Reyes may hit for the cycle a few times in his career while it would normally take two errors and animal interference on the diamond to get Mo Vaughn to third.

Lesson: Mo Vaughn ruins statistics.

(Real Lesson: Averaging statistics sometimes doesn't work. And players who get more extra base hits have a much higher individual probability of hitting for the cycle than Mo Vaughn)

(http://www.hardballtimes.com/main/article/the-odds-of-a-cycle/)

Tetanus!

The odds that you will contract the Tetanus Disease in a given year are approximately 1 in 7,302,000 (0.000037%)

So, remember that shot you were supposed to get in junior high that made your arm hurt for two days? That prevents Tetanus which is a disease you catch from stepping on rusty nails. It causes your muscles to freeze up which leads to lockjaw which makes you look like a dick permanently. Luckily, we've largely killed off this problem but there are still some rogue rusty nails that the government is tracking down and trying to kill. Until their resistance movement is broken, remember to get another shot every 10 years or so. And be afraid, but not that afraid cause it's pretty rare.

(http://www.bookofodds.com/Health-Illness/Infectious-Disease/Articles/A0448-The-Relative-Rarity-of-Tetanus)

Pearls!

The odds that an unopened Oyster contains a Pearl are approximately 1 in 12,000 (0.008%)

That's why pearl diving is like being in a garage band, sure it's a fun hobby but you're never gonna make enough money to feed yourself. But you can eat the oysters. Good advice dad.

(http://thelongestlistofthelongeststuffatthelongestdomainnameatlonglast.com/odds14.html)

Italia!

UPDATE: The current odds that Italy will repeat as World Cup Champions are approximately 1 in 14 (7.14%)

I couldn't find a proper picture of an Italian player diving- the cornerstone of their strategy being to roll around on the ground, grab a knee in pretend agony and groan every time an opposing player comes near them. Instead, enjoy this legit photo of Zidane punking an italian for real, probably to see what happens when one actually gets hurt. Zidane's a dick too though. Go Argentina!

(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/11/world-cup-2010-south-afri_n_590550.html#s93289) The bookies added two points, which is why you never trust a bookie.

Astronauts!

The odds of becoming an Astronaut are approximately
1 in 13,200,000 (0.0000075 %)

Keep in mind that not ALL astronauts are chosen through a lottery so if you really want it you probably have to work out and train on one of those spinning things. But the odds of becoming a space chimp are closer to 1 in 8.

(http://chicago.metromix.com/home/photogallery/what-are-the-odds/890340/photo/890348)

Powerball!

The odds of hitting thePowerball Jackpotare
1 in 195, 249, 054. (0.0000005 %)

Coming soon to a city and state near you! New ways to throw away hard earned money! New voluntary taxes based on hollow dreams and false hopes! New ways to take advantage of people's inability to process really large numbers! And possibly even new trailer park multi-millionaires!!! We should all be so lucky.

(http://www.powerball.com/powerball/pb_prizes.asp)

Muuuurder!

The odds that a Homicide will go unsolved are approximately
1 in 2.75 (37.3%)

Wow, I didn't even know it was that high, not that we shouldn't be throwing all our resources at locking up minorities who smoke marijuana, it's just...Now that Law and Order has been cancelled, I'm scared that numbers gonna skyrocket. Those motherfuckers were putting away like 3 bad guy a week. This will only embolden the evildoers.

(http://ask.yahoo.com/20060531.html)

Hermaphrodites!

The odds that a pregnancy will result in the birth of a Hermaphrodite are approximately 1 in 250,000 (0.0004%)

Now, I'm not gonna go out on a limb and say that Lady Gaga is a Hermaphrodite, thats for you, and bookies, and her traumatized boyfriend to discuss. Not that I'm above that or anything, I just prefer dealing with facts and quantifiable data...With that said, Lady Gaga is mentally retarded. And the creative director for The Muppets dresses her.

(This number may be off, my figure is from the NIH and cited in this book - http://www.amazon.com/Odds-R-Roger-Schlaifer/dp/0553383469, most internet answers seemed far too high)

Blackjack!

The odds of being dealt a Blackjack from a new shuffled deck are approximately1 in 21 ( 4.83 %)

Still feel special about getting paid 3 to 2? One day Ima find this Mr. 'House' dude that keeps taking everyones money and kick his ass.

(http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_probability_of_being_dealt_a_Blackjack)

Planned Teen Pregnancy!

The odds that a Teen Pregnancy is the result of Planning are
1 in 8.5 (12%)

I see the logic...I mean, if you're going to ruin your life, might as well get it over when you're young and not waste time following your hopes and dreams and whatnot. Just think of all that time and energy saved, plus, you have a baby!

(http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_024FactSheet.pdf)

Audit!

The odds that your tax return will be Audited in a year are roughly
1 in 130 (0.77%)

Ben Franklin said that only two things are certain in life, "death and taxes". President Lincoln set up the IRS to make sure you could take care of both in one place.

(http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/Taxes/Avoidanaudit/P33948.asp)

Falling Down!

The odds that you will die by Falling Down in your lifetime are 1 in 246 (0.4%)

Yet, the odds that you will die by Michael Douglas shooting you in the face with a sawed off shotgun are 1 in 30. Movie joke, bitches.

(http://www.v1news.com/page4/1/odds_of_dying/odds_of_dying.htm)