Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Supreme Court!

The odds that the Supreme Court will Rule on a Formally Filed Petition in a given year are approximately 1 in 90 (1.1%)

They say they get too many cases a year to deliver opinions (~7,000) but the real reason for their leisurely pace is that they have a Foosball tournament to get back to in the judge's chamber. Little known fact: Ginsberg is a semi-pro foosball player. Whoda thunk it?

Thursday, March 25, 2010


The odds that you will die as the result of Electrocution in your lifetime are
1 in 5,000 (0.02%)

For shame, now Bill Murray's never going to get to enjoy that delicious toast.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ballpoint Pens!

The odds that you will die as the result of misusing a Ballpoint Pen in a given year are 1 in 30,000 (0.00003%)

Cause then you have nothing to use for the tracheotomy.... Still 100 people a year pales in comparison to the Roller Gel massacre that claimed 90,000 lives when they were first released in 1984.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Vending Machines!

The odds that you will die as the result of using a Vending Machine in a given year are 1 in 150,000,000 (0.0000007%)

Okay, everyone, here's the trick - DON'T look it directly in the eyes. Avoid that and you'll be fine. Also, once you have your drink/food back away from the machine, NEVER turn your backs to them. Godspeed.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Fire Ants!

The odds that you will die as the result of a Fire Ant Bite are
1 in 5,000,000 (0.00002%)

Yeah, so my dad made me watch this movie when I was five or so and it scarred me for life. If only I had understood at the time the odds against a radioactive spill transforming a colony of ants into giant bloodthirsty destroyers of mankind. Instead of running the math, I just didn't sleep for a year. Thanks Dad!


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Road Rage!

The odds that an incident of Road Rage will result in someone's Death are 1 in 42 (2.4%)

Keep composed, take deep breaths, and if you see this chick (The Queen?) in your rearview mirror, stay to the right.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


The odds that you will die in a Skydiving Accident in a given year are
1 in 62,500 (0.0016%)

And I guarantee that if you do, you won't go out looking half as awesome as this extreme squirrel.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Car Crashes!

The odds that you will die in a Car Accident are 1 in 228 (0.43 %)

Big Car eat little car, nom nom nom....


The odds that you will be Struck by Lightning in a given year are
1 in 750,000 ( 0.00013%)

Laugh it up now, but the odds that you will be affected by someone who is struck by lightning in your lifetime? 1 in 625. Not so funny now is it?

Tricycles of Death!

The odds of dying in a 3-wheeled Motor Vehicle (?) are
1 in 177,380 (0.0005%)

Wtf? Does this mean one of those motorcycles with a side car?

Frat Boys!

The odds of dying by Alcohol Poisoning are 1 in 10,048 (0.009%)

Oh the importance of passing out on your stomach.


The odds that a pregnancy will result in Triplets are 1 in 8,100 (0.01%)

This stat goes out to all the baby jugglers out there, worldwide, you know how we do.


Royal Flush!

The odds of being dealt a Royal Flush in five cards are 1 in 649,739 (0.000154%)

Killer Bees!

The odds that you will die by Hornet, Wasp, or Bee Sting are
1 in 56,789 (0.001%)

Sucks to be you, bee dude.


The odds of dying in an Earthquake over the average life-span are
1 in 117,127 (0.000853%)

No words...Actually, I hope this is photoshopped. And I also hope it's California too. I'm done.


The odds that you will die of Measles in the following year are
1 in 300,000,000 (0.0000003%)

Wait...nevermind, apparently it's a disease...? Gross


Mega Millions!

The odds of winning the Mega Millions Jackpot are
1 in 175,711,536 (0.0000005 %)
"The lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math". Yup.



The odds of a pregnancy resulting in Identical Twins are 1 in 285 (0.35%)

Awwwwwww... I couldn't find a video of the Double Mint ads.