Powerball!

The odds of hitting thePowerball Jackpotare
1 in 195, 249, 054. (0.0000005 %)

Coming soon to a city and state near you! New ways to throw away hard earned money! New voluntary taxes based on hollow dreams and false hopes! New ways to take advantage of people's inability to process really large numbers! And possibly even new trailer park multi-millionaires!!! We should all be so lucky.

(http://www.powerball.com/powerball/pb_prizes.asp)

Muuuurder!

The odds that a Homicide will go unsolved are approximately
1 in 2.75 (37.3%)

Wow, I didn't even know it was that high, not that we shouldn't be throwing all our resources at locking up minorities who smoke marijuana, it's just...Now that Law and Order has been cancelled, I'm scared that numbers gonna skyrocket. Those motherfuckers were putting away like 3 bad guy a week. This will only embolden the evildoers.

(http://ask.yahoo.com/20060531.html)

Hermaphrodites!

The odds that a pregnancy will result in the birth of a Hermaphrodite are approximately 1 in 250,000 (0.0004%)

Now, I'm not gonna go out on a limb and say that Lady Gaga is a Hermaphrodite, thats for you, and bookies, and her traumatized boyfriend to discuss. Not that I'm above that or anything, I just prefer dealing with facts and quantifiable data...With that said, Lady Gaga is mentally retarded. And the creative director for The Muppets dresses her.

(This number may be off, my figure is from the NIH and cited in this book - http://www.amazon.com/Odds-R-Roger-Schlaifer/dp/0553383469, most internet answers seemed far too high)

Blackjack!

The odds of being dealt a Blackjack from a new shuffled deck are approximately1 in 21 ( 4.83 %)

Still feel special about getting paid 3 to 2? One day Ima find this Mr. 'House' dude that keeps taking everyones money and kick his ass.

(http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_probability_of_being_dealt_a_Blackjack)

Planned Teen Pregnancy!

The odds that a Teen Pregnancy is the result of Planning are
1 in 8.5 (12%)

I see the logic...I mean, if you're going to ruin your life, might as well get it over when you're young and not waste time following your hopes and dreams and whatnot. Just think of all that time and energy saved, plus, you have a baby!

(http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_024FactSheet.pdf)

Audit!

The odds that your tax return will be Audited in a year are roughly
1 in 130 (0.77%)

Ben Franklin said that only two things are certain in life, "death and taxes". President Lincoln set up the IRS to make sure you could take care of both in one place.

(http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/Taxes/Avoidanaudit/P33948.asp)

Falling Down!

The odds that you will die by Falling Down in your lifetime are 1 in 246 (0.4%)

Yet, the odds that you will die by Michael Douglas shooting you in the face with a sawed off shotgun are 1 in 30. Movie joke, bitches.

(http://www.v1news.com/page4/1/odds_of_dying/odds_of_dying.htm)

Supreme Court!

The odds that the Supreme Court will Rule on a Formally Filed Petition in a given year are approximately 1 in 90 (1.1%)

They say they get too many cases a year to deliver opinions (~7,000) but the real reason for their leisurely pace is that they have a Foosball tournament to get back to in the judge's chamber. Little known fact: Ginsberg is a semi-pro foosball player. Whoda thunk it?

(http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_cases_does_the_US_Supreme_Court_hear_each_year)

Electrocution!

The odds that you will die as the result of Electrocution in your lifetime are
1 in 5,000 (0.02%)

For shame, now Bill Murray's never going to get to enjoy that delicious toast.

(http://www.sixwise.com/Newsletters/2010/January/27/Your-Odds-of-Dying-Too-Early.htm)

Ballpoint Pens!

The odds that you will die as the result of misusing a Ballpoint Pen in a given year are 1 in 30,000 (0.00003%)

Cause then you have nothing to use for the tracheotomy.... Still 100 people a year pales in comparison to the Roller Gel massacre that claimed 90,000 lives when they were first released in 1984.

(http://www.articleblast.com/Advertising_and_Marketing/General/Pens_-_Facts_and_Trivia/)

Vending Machines!

The odds that you will die as the result of using a Vending Machine in a given year are 1 in 150,000,000 (0.0000007%)

Okay, everyone, here's the trick - DON'T look it directly in the eyes. Avoid that and you'll be fine. Also, once you have your drink/food back away from the machine, NEVER turn your backs to them. Godspeed.

(http://urbanlegends.about.com/b/2005/06/29/are-vending-machines-deadlier-than-sharks-repost.htm)

Fire Ants!

The odds that you will die as the result of a Fire Ant Bite are
1 in 5,000,000 (0.00002%)

Yeah, so my dad made me watch this movie when I was five or so and it scarred me for life. If only I had understood at the time the odds against a radioactive spill transforming a colony of ants into giant bloodthirsty destroyers of mankind. Instead of running the math, I just didn't sleep for a year. Thanks Dad!

(http://www.safe2use.com/pests/fireants/fireants4.htm)

Road Rage!

The odds that an incident of Road Rage will result in someone's Death are 1 in 42 (2.4%)

Keep composed, take deep breaths, and if you see this chick (The Queen?) in your rearview mirror, stay to the right.

(http://hubpages.com/hub/What-You-Should-Know-About-Road-Rage-and-Aggressive-Driving)

Skydiving!

The odds that you will die in a Skydiving Accident in a given year are
1 in 62,500 (0.0016%)

And I guarantee that if you do, you won't go out looking half as awesome as this extreme squirrel.

Car Crashes!

The odds that you will die in a Car Accident are 1 in 228 (0.43 %)

Big Car eat little car, nom nom nom....