Showing posts with label Animals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Animals. Show all posts

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Malaria!

Your odds of dying from the disease Malaria are approximately
1 in 60,000,000. (0.0000016%)


Okay, if you're an American, calm down. There were only 5 annual Malaria related deaths in the US as of the the most recent statistics (2002). If you live someplace cold like Maine or Alaska, you're doubly fine. Why? Malaria is a disease spread by Mosquitoes and
those little buzzing assholes that keep you up in the summer prefer and tend to thrive in tropical regions like the Amazon and Africa. If you live in one of those places however, you should try to invest in a net since the disease kills 1-3 million people annually across the globe. It is termed a "Poor Person's Disease" since most of these deaths (90%) are of children in Sub-Saharan Africa and could be avoided with the help of simple things like bug repellents, better irrigation planning, simple medicines and mosquito nets to sleep in at night. Just REALLY simple things. Still there is hope and The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is investing heavily in eradicating the disease globally as we seem to have done in America...Almost. If you live in Florida, be a bit more cautious, but then again you have Gators to worry about and that should take precedent. And also, you live in Florida, so you probably have bigger life concerns to worry about in general, like why you live in Florida (Miami and Don Johnson excluded of course.) Good luck Bill and Melinda!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Elaphants!

The odds that in a given year you will be Killed by a Captive Elephant are approximately 1 in 5,488,816 ( 0.0000002 %)


I know! I can't believe someone took the time to calculate this number either so let me thank the fine people at...'ResponsibleExoticAnimalOwnership.com'....Wait, really? Before you get all worried about rampaging six ton elephant demons crushing babies, notice that the keyword is 'captive'. Who has captive elephants? Circuses and carnivals! Ergo, these elephants are killing tamers, clowns, and mimes. A rampaging elephant destroying a clown? Why that's hilarious!
Seriously though, wild elephants kill mad people every year in Asia so while you may like Dumbo, think better than to run up and hug that six ton behemoth with the ivory tusks which he's planning to use to take out your eyes.